• Ashley Winters

Why I am OK With My Kids Being Sexually Active

Updated: Sep 28, 2018

Kids being Sexually Active

You are probably thinking I am crazy, right?! Do I want to be a grandmother while my own kids are still in highschool? Well, no not particularly, but I am not going to tell my kids they can’t be sexually active. Maybe I am crazy, or maybe I just have a different way of looking at the way things are. So, here’s why I am OK with my kids being sexually active

My Kids Will Be Educated

If my kids know I am against sexual activity, they aren’t going to come to me with big questions. How many times did you go to your parents to ask about sex? I know I didn’t because I would get the “If you get pregnant while in high school you’re going to be dead” spiel. If your kids don’t come to you with questions, who are they going to go to?

My kids will be educated on sex, pregnancy, birth control, condoms, consent, rape, and sexuality. This includes the understanding that abstinence is the only way to completely protect yourself from pregnancy, but STDs are still possible if you have sex at anytime. So, when my kids do have sex, I will feel confident in their decision.

Teens are Already Having Sex

Facts are facts; science is science. According to Advocates for Youth, 46% of all high school students and 62% of high school seniors have already had sex. At some point, you have to realize that no matter how different you want your kids to be, raging hormones will most likely get the best of them.

Yes, that means your teenager is probably having sex. Do they know the consequences of sex? Are they prepared to handle those consequences? Can they come to you after having sex for help with STDs or pregnancy? These are all things our teens need us for, and if we are against them then there isn’t anyone for them.

Kids Don’t Listen

I remember being a teenager, and I am sure you do as well. I grew up in a christian home, but the threat of hell didn’t stop me. In fact, the more restraints I felt placed on me, the more rebellious I wanted to be. I was sexually active at 16. My kids are not going to listen to me if I tell them to fight their hormones and everything they feel inside.

The more something is considered taboo, the more you kind of just want to do it. It was so cool to drink at 19 and 20 with your older college friends, but after 21 drinking doesn’t seem quite as fun anymore. It's kind of the same thing with sex. If it’s talked about and normalized; it's not something teens are going to engage in out of rebellion.

Having Sex is Normal

Having sex is a normal part of being a human being. Let’s just call it like it is; Sex feels good! And, it doesn’t just feel good on a physical level. Humans at their core are social beings. Sex is a way of being connected. It is how we show love, commitment, and compassion to people we care about. Who are we to take that away from our kids? Don’t we all want to feel loved, connected, and alive both physically and spiritually?

Sex Helps the Raging Hormones

We all know how crazy teenagers can be. It’s like you're trying to tame a wild tiger who is bipolar. If anything, sex is going to help activate those happy chemicals called dopamine while decreasing the stress hormone cortisol. Sex improves your mood while decreasing stress and anger. Trust me, if you have a teen you want this, in a healthy way of course.

It’s Their Destiny Not Mine

In the end, I am going to be there for my kids, but in all honesty you have to choose your battles. Sex just isn’t a battle I am going to fight. My kids will know the consequences and prevention of their choices. It is up to me to help them make informed, educated decisions, but it is up to them to act on that decision.

If you are struggling in what to allow or not allow your teen to do, I’ve been there. One thing I can say for certain is that they are going to do what they want to do 90% of the time. So, don’t be too hard on yourself!

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